He, Her

For him, waking up in the morning was an eternal task of internal struggle. While he felt a strong motive to continue life for the sake of knowing what can be accomplished, the realization that never-ending slumber is always in the midst of possibility kept him second-guessing on what he should be doing. He has a choice between sleep and faith, and so far he has chosen the latter.

Faith in happiness has once again given him the power to go forth with his day. As an average human being in the 21th century, his day has very little light in it. It starts with the horrendous thundering of the alarm clock at 6 in the morning. The beeping seems to be exploding sound more and more with each day. As always, he oversleeps. Quick hot shower, and if he is lucky - a quick bite to eat.

Going to work has become a devastating routine. Walk to the bus station on the horrid, rugged pavement, which hasn’t been fixed in ages. Take the 105 to Downtown, and then a short walk to the overwhelming ginormous building. The ecstatic sound of life in the morning disturbs him. “Why can’t quietness be a virtue we can all enjoy,” he thinks to himself. At this point he puts on his headphones. The music relaxes him, and provides a whole new world for him to walk through. Alt-j seems to always be the cure. Unfortunately at this stage in his life, he does not fully comprehend what the songs really mean.

His name is meaningless. So let’s continue to refer to him as simply “he.” He works at a more or less competent newspaper in Chicago. Writing for him has always come with ease. In college, people used to marvel at his brilliance. “A student above all!” And the “His future is brighter than the stars themselves.” But he had no desire to fulfill these naive prophecies. Taking the easy road out has seemed to work for him so far. While there is regret of all the missed opportunities. There is still faith in him for the second-coming.

For the longest time now, he has felt a deep hole, a caldera even, within himself. This massive emptiness could not be filled with awards, money, or any material possessions. In order for these things to hold meaning, there must be a vital component which binds it all together. Love. Love has escaped his grasp countless times. Meaningless sex has no longer any appeal for Him. It seems too easy. Too vulgar. Too desperate. We do the things we do, in order to share them with others. While he hated to admit it, or was simply unaware, this is what he had been missing all this time. But can you find love through simple desire?

As life would show, you could not. While he had lost that glimmer of hope, he realized that if the opportunity presents itself - this won’t be a mistake that he makes. Yet, it seems when you search for something you seem to never find it. At times it just drifts slowly towards you, and if you miss it, then that might just be it.

Work that day was the same usual shit. Write this read. Read that. Simply a fucking nuisance. Later in the day he had to attend a conference at the Sheraton Hotel on the future perspective of democracy in the next 20 years. As if that was actually a thing. Since he was already in Downtown, he decided to not go home, and wait at the local pub. These conferences were always a bore, if you went there sober you could blow your brains out right there and then.

At exactly 8 o’clock in the evening, he arrived at the golden doors of the luxury hotel. Everyone was dressed in their fancy clothes. Trying to desperately show that they all held some sort of meaning. He showed his pass at the entrance and proceeded towards the reception. Everyone was already mingling, and pretentiously discussing their political thought. He loved observing human interaction. It seemed so fake, so made up, a fraud, and digesting all of it was a way to cheer him up. Humans are strange creatures, who never seem to understand who they truly are.

Her. At the middle of this ruckus, was the reception girl. He had been observing her for the past half hour. While she seemed like everyone else, there was a sense of joy and pride about her. The thick black hair. The stare that could make even God fall on his knees. The laugh – a laugh that seemed to be a little too much, but at the same just right. She didn’t smile too often, but when she did it was the sweetest smile you could imagine. Her behavior attracted everyone. At first glance, despite this sense of attraction that he felt, she began to seem to him as someone who could be easily conquered by all.

Nevertheless, it never hurts to try. Throughout the evening, instead of interviewing people for his Friday piece, he spent all his time getting to know her. The features that attracted him in the first place, seemed even more apparent the more he spent time with her. At once, he had felt a notion of comfort that he had not experienced beforehand. She was not as simple or easy as he had thought. She had a strong character about her, which pressured him to feel the possible limits that it may possess. The more they spoke, the more he realized that this was a person worth everything. She dearly held principles that only others would talk about. For the first time he believed that he had someone to fight for.

After the conference she invited him to go to her friend’s birthday party. Already drunk, he agreed without second-guessing. Drinking was second nature for him, and getting a chance to further get to know her only made it better. Like all pre-planned parties, this one was as dull as a History teacher who hasn’t gotten laid in a while. Deep into the darker hours of the night, there began to grow a connection stronger than tree roots. Their hands locked under the table. She had cold hands that would send a shiver all the way to his heart. He had no desire of letting them go. He could hold those hands until the roof came down, and the earth shattered. They decided to go for a smoke break. Those usually turn out to be interesting. Being drunker than Bukowski during the younger years, he decided to take a leap of fucking faith and go for the kiss. At his age, a kiss was just a kiss. But this time it was something different. Her lips felt like something entirely new. Something unexplored. It was as if he had never kissed before. It was as if this was third grade, and he had just gotten his first kiss from his first “love.” It was different, and it was his. As she would later describe, this was a kiss that gave them butterflies in their stomachs. A kiss that began it all, a kiss that unfortunately never found its resting place.

From this point forward, life for him had changed forever. It seemed that now that the gaping hole was filled up with the intent to be there for her. She showed him a different side of human nature. The very same side that he had lost hope in. In return, he helped her better herself. It became a mutual cooperation of two people deeply in love. The fights were there. At times they would get out of hand, but for the very same reason they got together, also became the reason why they overcame those bumping stones. They were planted on a wave of comfort. A wave they never wanted to see come down on the seashore.

The greatest pleasures of sex had finally returned to him. It was no longer simply fucking. The feel of her skin against his exhilarated him beyond words. The hugging while they made love would send them into a trance they never wanted to escape. It was the epitome of how much they desired to be together. The sweat, the tears, the moans, it was unlike anything else they had felt in their lives. For him and her this was stability.

Stability is a terrible, terrible word. It means that at a certain degree it is going to come down. The fights would elapse to the point of physical abuse. He had forgotten what she meant for him. She gave him everything, and he began to throw it out piece by piece. He thought her everything, and she began to forget it piece by piece. At a certain point she could no longer stand it, and he could no longer see it. They had to fall apart. They had to take a break from this moral demise, which was eating them alive.

How do people that love each other break up? With great difficulty is the answer. At first it was though. She was dying on the inside. Although he didn’t feel so strongly, the true meaning of the break-up would later hit him like a rock. It was apparent how difficult it was going to be. They still fought. They still battled with the epidemic known as jealousy. But they began to move on and forget. In a depressing fashion, he felt that the she was no longer the person he had known before. She seemed to change. She behaved in a way he could have never foreseen. He was disappointed, hurt, and petrified, just as she was before. Sadness consumed him, and in turn, it would begin to consume her. Such feelings do not escape our hearts, no matter how hard we try to suppress them.

He had seen the brighter side of life. He had changed. He became a better person because of her, just as she had because of him. Mistakes were made, and maybe they will continue to be repeated. Reasonably, he should now want some peace. Peace and comfort for himself. But for him, love has now become a drug. It is now his weakness. He is now on a path that he has no idea to where it will lead him. And now he is looking for someone –someone to break his heart once more.